I am angry with God. In fact, I am enraged with God for a number of reasons. It is a futile and worthless emotion. It’s not like I can punch God in the nose for doing things to me with which I disagree. I can scream and rant and rave, but it’s not like that warrants any kind of response from Him. He’s not known for being particularly verbose—although if He wrote the Bible, maybe he is. But I am in such a confused state of existence, I don’t know if He wrote the Bible or if Satan did, impersonating Him. Anyway, you might wonder why I am angry with God. There are a number of reasons, but I’ll limit myself to the top three.
First, truth is dying. Perhaps, that should be made more precise as “Belief in truth is dying,” but these days I’m not so sure. I’m having doubts about the existence of truth myself. Which is sad and tragic because I spent four years of my life going over proofs and arguments and everything else that established the reality of truth. But now, everyone and their mother is arguing against the existence of truth and dressing such arguments up “in the clothes of science.” If it’s not the sociologists, it’s the physicists; if it’s not the physicists, it’s the psychiatrists; and so on … and if I don’t agree that truth is dead, I’m being hard-headed and inflexible. Why? Likely because truth stands as the last accuser against the immorality of our deeds. Is that what it is? That no one wants to believe in truth because they want to believe that they can do no wrong? I don’t know and I weary of the fight.
My second reason for being angry with God, related to the first, is the fact that relativism is winning. More and more people are becoming relativists. The official philosophy of the U.S. government is relativism. Don’t believe me? How else can you explain the “tolerance” of boyplay in Afghanistan by the U.S. government? How else can you explain the frowning upon of American Exceptionalism by Obama and the rest of his administration? There are other examples, but my memory is not what it once was. Keep an eye on the news and you’ll see more examples quite regularly. Anyway, I despise relativism, primarily because it is anti-truth and I was a philosophy major, much enamored with the whole concept of truth. As such, I will despise relativism to my dying day, but again I lack the energy to continue the fight. The field is yours, oh relativist, and may the destruction you herald not be absolute.
Lastly, my third reason for being angry with God is … well, I believe I’m the antichrist. Whether that is the result of a mental illness (with which I have been diagnosed but with which I disagree) or it is the truth of the matter, I do not know. Anyway, since I’m the antichrist, I therefore feel powerless to do anything about the preceding two issues without destroying the world. Yes, I believe it is within my power to destroy the world—which is probably hubris in itself.
Anyway, I saw a movie once (“God’s Not Dead”) in which a philosopher, gripped in anger, says that he hates God because “He took everything from me.” Sometimes I share that sentiment as well—because at one point I had a promising future, and then I succeeded in flushing everything down the drain. Anyway, the Christian in the movie says “How can you hate someone who does not exist?” Which is a valid intellectual point, but the Christian kind of missed the fact that the philosopher, when he dragged that confession out of him, was in extreme emotional pain. A little bit of compassion for that philosopher would be far more suitable than just leaping in with glee to “win the argument.” But that was just one of the closing scenes in a movie designed to support and buttress the everyday “Christian warrior” in this modern world of storms and sorrow. It had both good and bad points and if you’re in the right mood, it was a decent flick.
In case you are wondering, although I hated God for years—and still have issues—I have decided that that particular activity is just too exhausting to maintain. So, I’ve been reduced to turning back to God, praying regularly, and going to Mass once a week. Although if I’m the antichrist, I’m not sure if any of that will be effective.
Well, I’ve started rambling and that’s probably a good sign that I should close this particular post and move on. So, toodle-doo!