Who’s In Hell?

A word of warning: please do not read this if you are under eighteen years of age or if you have lost a loved one recently and are still grieving.

First things first: I am the antichrist, but I absolutely do NOT want Satan to win. Satan is the biggest [attach infinite succession of profanities here] imaginable.

Is there a hell? Yes. I’ve been there. However, it was NOT created by God, but by Satan in defiance of God. Satan is playing both parts: he’s been impersonating deities since the dawn of time prophesying of a great conflict between Good and Evil at the end of the world; but, like I said, he’s the one playing both parts. The real God has been largely silent waiting patiently for us to figure him out.

Anyway, who’s in hell? Not who you think. As a result of my antichrist experience, I’ve come to realize that the universe is Satan’s creation and it is a domain where justice is reversed according to the Devil’s whim. In Satan’s cosmos, all the Hitlers go the heaven, and all the Gandhis go to hell. I’ve seen a number of Youtube videos about hell on-line. If you research the topic, you’ll find various dire warnings and horrifying claims like: Martin Luther is in hell (so a Catholic visionary reports), Pope John Paul II is in hell (so a Protestant visionary reports), or even 99% of all Christians are going to hell (some other devout Christian visionary reports). How do you make sense of all this? Well, I think all three are correct. Satan has been tossing good people into hell for untold thousands of years. By my reckoning, I’d say both Martin Luther and Pope John Paul II were good men. Neither one deserves eternal damnation. But Satan condemned both to hell in an effort to turn the men against God. Basically, I’m convinced that most good people who die (if they actually die) wind up in hell. This leaves but one course of action open to us, the living:

Invade hell.

We must rescue every condemned soul from Satan’s clutches. I’m not quite sure how to do that. I’ve started by flushing mouthwash and soap down the toilet, under the assumption that my toilet acts like a portal to hell, in order to wash Satan’s mouth out (with soap) or at least alleviate some of the stench that I’m sure the damned suffer with (using mouthwash). What we really need to do is find an actual physical opening to hell, and get ready with battalions of fire trucks, ambulances, food trucks, and who knows what else (I’m open to suggestions).

Oh, and despite the fact that I wrote that last paragraph in a kind of whimsical, almost silly, tone, I am totally serious. (I wrote this about a month ago. My antichrist stuff resembles bipolar disorder where there are highs and lows. This was written during a high. Currently, I’m not flushing odd things down the toilet… at least not frequently.)


I, Hypocrite

Hi. I posted this some time ago. I figured I would repost it because I think it is a worthwhile read.


I am a hypocrite. Yes, little old me, waxing philosophical is a stupendously foolish hypocrite. But is that bad?

I think most people would regard that as bad, but I’m not sure I agree—at least, not always. Let me explain.

Hypocrisy is usually defined as saying that someone (usually someone else) should do one thing while you go about and do the exact opposite.

One of the most common forms of hypocrisy (and perhaps the most infuriating) is moral hypocrisy where an individual claims to embrace a moral code they do not practice. But what if they try to practice that moral code and simply fail? For example, what of the Christian moral code? The most striking thing about the Christian code is how high and demanding it is. In fact, it may be so high and demanding that no one can live up to it. Hence, the accusation of hypocrisy can be leveled at all Christians. But if Jesus was divine as He claimed to be, then the source of the code He left behind for His followers is also divine. And if it is divine, it may very well be the case that no one can live up to the code. Does that make the code useless? No. It can still serve as a goal to strive for, but one accompanied by the understanding that it can never be fully reached. As men and women strive toward the code, they will necessarily improve, morally speaking, but they will never reach perfection. They will be hypocrites, all of them, but non-threatening ones. So, I would classify that as a kind of justified hypocrisy.

There is another form of hypocrisy that is inherently justifiable: that of hypocrisy by experience. Basically, in life we learn things—call them life lessons, if you will. Such life lessons may serve to change our behavior as we grow older, because we learn, morally speaking, that our previous behavior was bad by some measure. For example, suppose a woman at a young age gets pregnant and has an abortion. She comes to regret that decision and counsels others to not have abortions. Is she a hypocrite? In some sense, yes, but if you acknowledge that experience can change a person and teach them valuable lessons, you will realize that sometimes hypocrisy may simply indicate that a person has learned something of value and wishes to pass that knowledge on to someone else. And passing knowledge on to the young is not only a great service to those who make up the young, it is also a duty of those who are older.

Anyway, by both these measures, I acknowledge that I am a hypocrite. I’m not going to share the full list of all my particular failings with the world because that would make me feel uncomfortable; still, I feel inclined to acknowledge the simple fact of my hypocrisy. I leave others to their own self-reflection.

Yes, I tried to defend hypocrisy. Did I succeed? I’ll let you decide.