Magic and Me

Satan is a Liar and Jesus Christ is the Lord.
Time for another Confession to cleanse my soul and offer a hand—covered somewhat in filth, but a hand nonetheless—to my fellow sojourners on the adventure of life.
Do you believe in magic? Witches, sorcery, and spells? I’ve come to believe that those things may be more real than we give them credit for. I have a black belt in the martial arts and I have a limited knowledge of chi-flow, which, for lack of a better term, is the source of Asian “magic.” At one point in my life, about 20 years ago, I was interested in pursuing all things magical and “putting them on the map” in the Western world of science. From my experience, chi-flow and psychic phenomena are real. And, for the record, my interest in them was NOT benevolent. It wasn’t so much malevolent, but rather military. I’ve always been a fantasy buff and in such stories wizards are always battling dragons or what have you for the forces of good. I was interested in PK (psychokinesis) and other paranormal phenomena with the intent of becoming a, I guess, sort of powerful archmage, like something out of AD&D, capable of inflicting harm on military targets. Whether chi-flow would have gotten me there or not, I don’t know. Anyway, that was my approach to magic/psychic stuff. I wasn’t interested in the healing stuff, although I probably should have been. I was interested in raw, unadulterated power. So, my dabbling in it wasn’t innocent by any stretch of the imagination. Anyway …
As some of you may know, I had an encounter with Satan about a month before I turned 25. In that encounter I experienced hellfire for somewhere between 30 seconds and 3 minutes. 22 years later, I am still in the process of recovering. Regardless, I feel I should warn all practitioners of magic in all forms: about 2 years ago I had an experience in which I felt a very strong flow of chi that I recognized as a muted flow of hellfire. So, please be warned, chi, at least, comes from Satan. I don’t know enough about Wicca to make a judgment there, but as far as chi is concerned, I am quite sure that is what it is. Since Satan is the universe, he can interweave his essence all around us. He can give you your power and take it away in a snap. As for Wicca, I have suspicions, but that is it. I know: You don’t believe me. Well, I tried.
Satan is a Liar and Jesus Christ is the Lord.

Cheering on the Apocalypse and Other Horrors

 

Satan is a Liar, and Jesus Christ is the Lord.

As I sit in the antechamber to Catholicism, one of the most important cornerstone’s of the faith is the sacrament of Confession. I’m kind of of the mind that Confession not only cleanses the soul of the person confessing, but it offers insight, wisdom, and guidance to those hearing the Confession (except God, of course, who doesn’t need any of that). I kind of think the path to walk is a kind of reverse relativism steering in the direction Christ set out for us. So, in light of that, I do believe it is time to ventilate some of the black vomitous bile of some of my more egregious sins. Try not to be too hard on me; these are confessions of the heart, from the deep, black tarry pits of my soul.

Once upon a time, as I was growing up, I was a sincerely devoted Christian, specifically, a Catholic. I always had a fascination with the bizarre, like the paranormal and the supernatural. In college, I started researching prophecies; you know, Nostradamus, the various Marian Prophecies, etc… I tried to approach it from a rational viewpoint, hoping to figure “it out.” I thought that if I could find agreement in different prophecies across different cultures and religions that would be something to work with: evidence of God or, at least, evidence of prophecy that would open the door for other paranormal things like psychokinesis.

But there was a darker side to my interest in prophecy. When I was really young, I was really, really devoted to Catholicism, maybe even a hyper-Christian or super-Christian (as the term may be). As a result, I got overly concerned with the “morality of the nation.” Growing up, I believed pretty much everything the Church had told me—1) that pre-marital sex was wrong, 2) that homosexual sex was wrong, 3) that abortion was grievously wrong, etc…–and I perceived a society that seemed to reject every one of those principles. Whether any of those three statements in particular is wrong or right isn’t my concern at the moment, but rather, I am concerned with my attitude toward society and prophecy some twenty years ago. As I looked into prophecy, I found a consistent theme of imminent Armageddon. And I developed a very sick, immoral attitude towards prophecy. I looked out on a decadent world and armed with “foreknowledge” acquired through study of prophecy, I began (at least a significant part of my heart) to almost cheer on or look forward to the imminent destruction of the Apocalypse. I felt caught up in weighty events of great scope and importance; I would bear witness to the end of an age and it would be a mix of chaos and adventure: almost something to look forward to. I felt sure the destruction of the Apocalypse was coming to punish the numerous sinners “who wouldn’t listen” to the warnings from the pious and holy. And I took pleasure in knowing God would punish the wrongdoers, woefully oblivious to the various planks in my own eyes. I think it was a kind of schadenfreude or something similar. Regardless, morally-speaking, it is not a high point of my life and I am not proud of that attitude. I was arrogant, judgmental, and blind to my own guilt and personal failings. I still struggle with this. My mind recognizes that the Apocalypse is a terrible thing, but I’ve moved from looking at the Apocalypse as a “punishment from a just God on a richly deserving society” such that everybody else who fails my standards for them will get “what’s coming to them” to a kind of adventure where we will be tested and challenged—yes, an “adventure”, never mind the likely billions of people who would likely die in World War III from God-knows what horrid weapons we’ve spent the last seventy years or so devising. I guess that’s an improvement of sorts where I’m not rooting for destruction, but it is clear to me that I still have a long way to go. Looking at world-wide chaos as a source of “adventure” is pretty pathetic. Still, I am trying to be prepared for whatever comes: I have some extra food and some first aid kits and I’m trying to learn some life basic skills. So, if the Apocalypse does come, I will try to be a force for good instead of an overly-judgmental loon.

Satan is a Liar and Jesus Christ is the Lord.